It's a Girl!

Sofia is 4 years old now!  She was born in very early in the morning and I can't remember the time.  Katherine was in labor most of June 2nd.  This is an account of History, not Herstory.  This is how it happened in my eyes and heart.  Some people (Mommys, Doulas, Midwives, and Nurses) might tell you a different story, but they are all wrong, because this is how it happened.

Back in the day, when I was working in the corporate world, I woke up early and made my daily trek up Highway 101 to go to work.  I received a phone call around 11am when Katherine informed me that she "may be going into labor".  She finished her morning meetings (while having contractions!) and then called me back fifteen minutes later to tell me that she was definitely going into labor.  I rushed home to take her to the hospital to have the baby, which was delivered a mere 15 hours later.

In the time between me coming home and going to the hospital, we were able to take an hour long walk around the block, go to the pool, eat dinner, rest on the couch, send the doula home to take care of her children, call her back to tell her we are ready, wait 2 more hrs, then finally head to the hospital.
I told you in the beginning this is History, so the fifteen hours of labor obviously wasn't as dramatic for me as it was for Katherine.  This is not Herstory. To this day, I promote and praise our doula for the work she did.  If I had to help Katherine by myself, she would have probably told me to leave and delivered the baby by herself.  I started to feel the pressure when we tried to go to the car and had to stop every 60 seconds for contractions.  After we finally got to the car, I turned a 15 minute casual commute into a 10 minute Formula 1 race to the emergency room.

We arrived at the hospital and I walked Katherine in and went to park the car.  By the time I got back, her water had broken and we were at Defcon 1!  What happened while I was gone?  Where should I stand? What should I say?  Where is the doula?  Why is the doctor smiling at me like that?  Is there a booger in my nose?  These are all things that are going through my mind at the time.

What happened next is truly a miracle, and until I heard first hand stories about our friend's hardships of labor I didn't realize how miraculous having a healthy baby with a problem free delivery was.  I was standing next to Katherine when the doctor and nurses started telling her to push.  I held her hand, tried to say all the right things, and looked in amazement at what was happening.  When I saw the baby start to crown, I told the doctor, "Excuse me, I can handle it from here.  If I need assistance, I will give you a nod." Our Midwife, Dr. Lin, saw the urgency in my eyes and stepped aside so that I could catch the baby as she came out of the womb.  It was then and there, that I cut the umbilical cord and raised the baby into the air, claiming her name, "Sofia, Princess of the Graham family!"  On top of that, Katherine went HAM (Hard as a Mofo) in the delivery room with a drug free delivery.  If I were in the same situation, pass me the epidural and an shot of Johnny Walker Blue! I still don't know how she did it!

Later that day, Dr. Lin later asked me to join her practice because of the calmness and expertise that I exhibited while delivering our baby.  I graciously denied her offer....That last part may have been a dream, I was very sleep deprived and almost slept through a red light on the way home that morning.

Genesis

I have the BEST job EVER! Most Dads (or Moms for that matter) don't get the opportunity that I have had with my children.  Providing a good male example for my daughter and teaching my son how to be a man are roles that I enthusiastically embrace.  My days of being a stay at home father are quickly drawing to an end and I will miss the amount of time that I get to spend with my children.

1st Bike Rides

1st Friend From School

We have shared a plethora of "1st Time" experiences.  There are a few moments that especially stand out to me, but are normal, every day interactions.  I remember when Sofia first learned how to use the potty  There was also the time when Donovan finally took the big 6 inch leap to get off of the slide by himself.  These small milestones will continue to occur but there was one that made me especially proud to be their father.

One day before Sofia went to school, we were sitting down eating lunch and at the table next to us was one of her friends.  The little girl was crying and Sofia was worried about her.  With a few words of encouragement and her brother at her side, Sofia worked up the courage to ask the girl why she was crying.  The girl was sad because she didn't know much English and couldn't make friends as easily as some of the other children.  Sofia offered to walk to class with her and they strolled off together holding hands.  This was by far the cutest thing I have ever seen.  I had just witnessed my daughter being a compassionate 3 year old, comforting a friend in need.

1st Horsie Ride

That experience makes me feel like Katherine and I have built a strong foundation for raising our children.  Sometimes I wonder if other Dads pick up on these small milestones. It's funny to see the Dads come out to the park with their children on the weekend.  You can usually spot a few pushing strollers listening to music through their headphones, a few playing soccer or catch, and a few with a "when is my wife coming back?" look on their faces.  I'm not trying to call anyone out because I have been that Dad too.  I am trying to encourage Dads and Moms to take notice and cherish even the smallest "1st Times".

1st Slam Dunk

"It is extraordinary how extraordinary the ordinary person is."    -George F. Will

Top 10 Things One Hears As A Stay-At-Home-Father

The weird thing about this list is that I do a lot of the things a Stay at Home Mom does, but people think it's such a great accomplishment because I am male.  Older women sometimes look at me like I am a superhero.  Back in my Dad's and my Grandfather's day, having a man take care of the kids was unheard of.

I recently read an article in one of the parenting magazines about the biological effects of fatherhood.  There was a study that showed that men's testosterone levels drop after they become fathers.  Also, the more involved a man becomes in the care-giving role, the more his testosterone levels will drop.  What I got out of the article is that men adapt to their roles as fathers just as women adapt to their new roles as Mom.  The bonds that I am forming with my children are immeasurable and unique.  My children have made me a better person and a better Father from this experience.  I think I feel my testosterone levels dropping, time to go do some push-ups and find someone to arm wrestle! Enjoy the list.

1. "You sure do have your hands full today."  This is the most common thing I hear.  I have my hands full everyday.
2. "You're so brave."  I always think this is a strange comment.  Do people tell Mom's they are brave when they are in public with the kids and the Dad is missing? 
3. "No, I insist you go ahead of me in line."  I wish I heard this one everyday.  Skipping people in line and flying past people in the car pool lane are two of the best perks of the job.
4. What's the mix?  I usually hear this from minorities.  I think White people feel uncomfortable asking.  Just for the record though, I am Arican-American and my wife is Venezuelan-American.
5. "That's cute, you're so organized."  Truth is, it's not so much organization as it is survival.  It's not a good feeling to be out on the town and not prepared for a tantrum, munchies, or potty training accidents.
6. "Haven't I seen you here before, you're such a good dad."  I usually hear this one at Safeway and Toys R Us.  I am a either a good Dad or crazy Dad for taking two children to Toys R Us.  
7. "You cook too!"  Yes, I do prepare a lot of the family meals.  Babies will make you learn to cook or suffer the agony of screeching hunger pains.
8. "You're a SAHF....Oh!  I know another SAHF, you guys should hook up."  That's cool that there are other guys like me out there but I don't want to go on a blind date with another dude and his kids.
9. "No!"  Right now this is Donovan's favorite word.  Since he says it so much, his sister has begun to say no to EVERYTHING.  It doesn't matter what the question is, the answer is always NO.
10. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, etc.  Between both of my kids, I probably hear this word 653 times a day.  Sometimes I pretend that I am not listening to see how many times they will say it.

"The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen, not touched, but are felt in the heart." 

                                                                                                  -Helen Keller

The Silent Treatment

If you have children, you've had this feeling before.  You're on the computer, or cleaning up the house, or you finally got a chance to sit down and relax when suddenly...it's way too quiet.  This kind of quiet is eerie.  It reminds me of a horror movie because you start to walk around the house to look for the kids and you don't know what to expect around the corner or what's going to to jump out at you as you open the door.  Let me tell you about a couple of horror stories I experienced.


     For the last couple of months we have increased our efforts to potty train Sofia.  We have been successful for the most part, but of course we have had a few set backs and miscues.  Sofia is becoming more independent now and she takes pride in doing things on her own.  She  has her own Baby Bjorn training potty and also a training attachment for the toilet.  One morning I asked her to go potty, which is our normal morning routine.  Instead of using the "big girl" potty in the upstairs bathroom, she was adamant about using the "baby" potty downstairs.  I agreed and off she went.  I was busy getting Donovan dressed when I realized that she had been gone for a little while.  My "Spidey-sense" started to tingle because it was way too quiet.  I quietly walked downstairs to see what she was doing.  I walked in to the bathroom to see Sofia finishing her business.  She did her potty, wiped and was pulling up her skirt.  Awesome, right?  Wrong!

     Sofia is used to us being around to help when she goes potty.  Since we weren't there, she did everything herself, which includes disposing of the waste.  That's when I noticed it.  There was a giant turd in the sink!  "Why would she put the poop in the sink and not the toilet? How does such a small person have such a big bowel movement?",  I thought to myself.  My horror story turned into a comedy.  Think back to Caddyshack when Bill Murray's character had to fish the doody/Baby Ruth out of the pool.  I took a wipe and delicately picked up the King Size Baby Ruth and flushed it down the toilet.  It wasn't funny at the time but looking back on it, I can see the humor.


     Another story starts about the same way.  I sent the children upstairs to start getting ready for bed.  I was talking to Katherine and mid-sentence I thought, it's way too quiet.  I rushed upstairs searching room to room to find the kids.  I walked into the master bathroom to find Sofia with a pair of sheers cutting Donovan's hair!  Where did she find the sharpest scissors in the house?  How did she get him to stand so still and so quiet?  I quickly grabbed the scissors before she could do any more damage.  There were only a few locks of hair on the floor, so I thought I caught her in time.  As I began to comb Donovan's hair more and more hair began to fall to the floor.  Luckily Donovan has so much hair that it was hard to tell that his hair stylist is only 2 years old.

"Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring, quite often the hard way"

20 Things People Never Told You About Having Kids

     There are a lot of things about having children that your parents, friends, relatives don't tell you about.  It could be that they forgot about some of these things.  Maybe they didn't want to scare you.  Maybe they put these memories so far in the back of their mind because they didn't want to remember.  I thought of 50 things that I could put in this list, but I will spare you the 4 page post.  Those of you with children will relate.  For the rest of you, don't think of this list as a reason not to have children.  It's more like a heads-up.

1.  Your house is no longer yours.  The children will take over.  If you are lucky, you will be entitled to half a bed, a storage closet, and 1 drawer in the bathroom.  The rest of the house belongs to your loving wife and kids.

2.  The parties you go to now will involve jump houses, magic tricks, balloon animals, and if you are lucky...alcohol.

3.  Forget about sleeping in for the next 18 years.  Whether it's Monday or Saturday, you are still waking up at 6am.

4.  You WILL get to buy your children all the cool toys that your parents wouldn't buy for you.

5.  Little innocent girls will give a Dad more grey hairs and at a faster rate than little boys.

6.  Father's Day will have a new meaning.  The first Father's Day is the best.

7.  Don't get married in the beginning of May, especially if your wife's birthday is in May.  You will have to think of a thoughtful Mother's Day, Anniversary, and Birthday present.  (Damn near impossible)

8.  Read all the books you possibly can...it won't make that much of a difference though.  Babies never follow the How To Be a Good Baby Handbook and experience becomes the best teacher.

9.  You will change a diaper full of poop just before you sit down to eat.  It's like the in-home version of the show Fear Factor.

10. Even the biggest, strongest, manliest man's heart will melt the first time his child says "I Love You".

11. You're not going to the movies for at least the first two years after your child is born. (Thank God for On Demand)

12. Birthing classes are a rip-off.  On the flip side, seeing a hormonal mom-to-be belittle her poor husband in one of these classes will help you appreciate how good you have it.

13. (Guys only) No matter what ANYONE says, you don't and shouldn't sit in on the breast feeding class.  

14. When your child can't communicate their frustrations, they will bite and hit.  This is not a behavior they learn. It's more like an instinct. 

15. There will come a point when your children will drive you absolutely crazy and you will want to get as far away from them as possible (to no avail).

16. (Guys only) Women that you have been friends with for years will pull out their breasts mid-sentence and feed their children right in front of you.  If this sounds like a good thing to you, you are terribly WRONG.  It's an awkwardness that you haven't felt before.  Just stare up into the sky and pretend that you didn't see anything.

17. (Guys only)  Pregnant women are hot!  I can't explain it.  It just is what it is.

18. Raising a child is nothing like training a dog.  Just because you managed to keep your dog alive for a few years doesn't make you a good candidate for having children.

19. Hangovers and children don't mix!

20. The happiness and health of your children will more than make up for all the sacrifices you made and will make in the future.  

 "Blessed is the man who can laugh at himself, for he will never cease to be amused"

     I have been thinking about how to start this blog for the last several months and I finally just decided to start writing.  I have many things that I want to accomplish with this blog.  I want to have a written account of my adventures with my children while I help to raise them as a Stay at Home Dad.  I also want to be honest and true to myself and my family when writing.
     When my daughter was 6 months old, I had to make a decision about my professional career.  I could keep working at a job that barely paid enough to pay for my child's daycare, go back into sales, or become a SAHD (Stay at Home Dad).  The decision wasn't an easy one.  I had been working since I was old enough to push a lawnmower, so it was weird not having a source of income.  I also had to face the social and personal issues of having my wife support our children and MYSELF, financially.  It's been two years now and I am almost over it.
     The most significant idea that I have come to embrace is that my wife and I are a team and our success is not affirmed by how much money we earn or who earns it.  Even though I am not monetarily supporting my family, I am providing a loving and nurturing environment for my children to grow and prosper.  At the same time, they are providing me with an invaluable opportunity to raise and educate our children with the morals that both my wife and I lead our lives by.
     There are a lot of things that I go through on a daily basis that the average guy probably doesn't go through.  With this blog, I will try to bring to light some of the things about parenthood that people don't tell you about before you have children.  You will read things here that you don't agree with and that may upset you.  Hopefully, you will also read some things that make you laugh and help you gain perspective in you own life.

"In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves...self-discipline with all of them came first."              -Harry S Truman